why I don't have a "nana"

Exhibit A: The nana we hired, who did sub-par cleaning, wasn't careful w/ cleaning products around the baby, and when told that the walls needing wiping (small hands, big dirt), said that she didn't like the wall texture, and wouldn't have it in her house (and then she proceeded to watch me clean the walls). Her indignation about Vivi and I napping, when Vivi was recovering from an ear infection during her "vacuuming time" didn't help things either.

Exhibit B: The nana I saw at the park, who, instead of noticing the little girl she was "watching" had to go to the bathroom (15 minutes of crotch-holding), looked at her nana friend's phone pictures, then took another 10 minutes, after little girl had wet herself, to notice, and then change her clothes in the middle of the crowded park.

Exhibit C: The nana who pushed a stroller all the way to the park, sat on a bench for 30 minutes, while the little boy she was "watching" watched other kids play, from his stroller. Then left.

Exhibit D: The general realization that nana's have no skills, no training, and very little education. They qualify for their job with the willingness to do it. And with their willingness to take very little money to raise other people's children. Badly.

I hope everyone who has, will, or might ask me, pityingly, why I don't have a nana, reads this and understands that I feel I am better qualified to take care of my child than a Peruvian whose only qualification for doing so is poverty. If I was a hard-core democrat (or a democrat at all, for that matter), I might agree with the sentiment of feeling obligated to provide employment for those who need it. But I'm not, and I don't. I'm off now to do some above par cleaning, then provide my child with a stimulating afternoon.

adventures, mishaps, lessons

I was recently re-reading the Chile guidebook, which makes a bit more sense now that I've got a better feel for Santiago and the country as a whole. It said something about how the people here are friendly (but really, how many guidebooks say that the locals are assholes?) but that foreigners are always foreigners. I found myself nodding, because although I have felt right at home with the expat community, with Chileans...not so much. We invited a number of people to Vivi's birthday BBQ, and I found it curious that none of the Chileans came. We had a German, Spaniard, a bunch of Brits, a Dutchman, and some other Americans (I think...) but no Chileans. The concept of foreigners is odd to me, as an American, because in a place like Los Angeles, and increasingly in more of the country, no one is a foreigner. I think about the people I worked with in Pasadena. I had colleagues from Nigeria, Jordan, Mexico, all over Central America, South Africa, and others (that I often times wasn't aware of their original origin, or didn't even notice and think to ask) and I never thought of them as "foreigners." They were, like me, Americans. It's things like this that make me realize why it's difficult to ever feel like you fit somewhere. I wonder if those colleagues sometimes didn't feel like they fit, because there was an attitude that was different, that they just couldn't get used to. I like to think that they felt like Americans, but now that I've been the "foreigner" it makes me wonder how they felt different from me as Americans.

I also had a "I just don't fit in" moment at the supermarket. I had done a big shopping trip, with Vivi with me, and we were at the checkout. The checkout, at any store here, moves very, very slowly. The checker didn't seem to care that people were tired, restless, and doing their best to entertain small children with what little help existed at the checkout stand. (Whoever said a pack of gum isn't a good toy?) There were drinks nearby, so I grabbed a Sprite and opened it, glad to have some relief from the heat generated by so many bodies waiting to pay and get out of there. I said aloud, which I find myself doing more and more (the freedom of most people not understand you) that I would pay for it only if I hadn't finished it when it was my turn to check out. I drank the drink, and I was still waiting, so I put the can next to the conveyer belt, but not on it. I realized at the time that this was something I would NEVER, EVER do in the US. I had lectured my students many times on how shoplifting raises prices for everyone, and it's not fair to everyone else who pays.

And you know why I didn't pay for that drink? Because this isn't my country. I don't care about whether or not prices go up in the long run. I'm leaving in two years. I don't care if soft drinks cost $20 each and the entire country dies of thirst (well, I do care about my expat friends. But Chileans...not so much).

I know, I know , it was wrong. I'm setting a bad example for my child. But just give me a chance to explain what else I learned from this experience. If the Chilean policia read this and come after me, I at least want evidence that the experience gave me insight into the psyche of shoplifters.

I realized that all the times I had conversations with my students, and after my lecture about why they shouldn't shoplift, they shrugged and said, "I don't care." Now I know what they meant! They meant, "This isn't my place. I'm not part of it, so I don't care what happens to it. I'm just trying to survive and get what I can out of it." Wrong or right, I believe this is part of the reason for crime. People are looking for a way to make a place theirs, whether that's with graffiti, or gangs, or they don't care, so they do things, like shoplifting, with a feeling of disconnection.

So there's my lesson. I plan to pay for my next drink. And I have given larger than normal tips to the baggers at that market since then as a way to compensate ($ doesn't go to the store, but it's more coming from me). And I hope that the insight I gained from the experience will make me a better teacher, parent, and citizen of wherever I am in two years.

end of an era

Updates: Vivi had birthday number 1! We celebrated by going to Applebee's on her actual birthday, where she got a free chocolate meltdown cake (yes, I'm one of those bad moms who gives the baby chocolate) and sang Cumpleanos Feliz to her. On Valentine's Day, we had Vivi's Valentine BBQ Birthday Bash. About 20 people came to eat bbq, drink wine or beer, and hang out with us. We were able to actually invite people to our apartment because we finally got the light fixtures and pictures hung (unfurnished means you get nada here).

Positives: I am finally starting to feel a bit connected here. I found a North American Moms Living in Santiago group that has coffees and weekly playgroup. Which is nice, because as much as Vivi and I love each other, it's nice to be around other people. I have also visited with other friends here. I really enjoy going to the Dents' (Alison and Bill) house, because it's very relaxed, and Vivi can explore, and their two lovely children, Thomas and Nico, are a pleasure to be around. I just have to keep Vivi from picking up the poor kitten by its head.

It was also nice to have people over for a gathering. Vivi did much better than we expected, and spent the time mingling, eating off people's plates, drinking their water, and playing with Thomas and Nico. It seemed people had a nice time, and I enjoyed it. It was a good way to celebrate surviving Vivi's first year.

Negatives:
Speaking of Vivi and surviving...I've had a few of those "bad mom" moments recently when I do stuff that you hope you NEVER do as a parent. Like lock the child in the car. Which could have been much worse, because it was in the subterranean parking garage, so it wasn't hot. And Stuartt works ten minutes away, so he came home quickly with extra keys (luckily he wasn't observing). I did have to run upstairs to get phone reception to call him, and Vivi was decided UNhappy about being in there by herself, but a hug and a bot helped her recover quickly.

She has taken recently to climbing into the picture window in the living room, then diving off onto the couch. I baricade her out of the living room when I'm not in there, but once she dove off, bounced, and hit the floor. Again, hugs and bot did the trick. And while the playgroup is a good thing, being around a bunch of other toddlers does put her at higher risk for injury. Our first time at a coffee, she was in the Hansel and Gretal playhouse and another girl closed the shutters-on her pinky finger. I felt Soooooooo bad for her. A piece of skin hung off her finger, she was screaming, she fell down in the dirt, and her finger was red and squashed. I immediately envisioned stitches and reconstructive surgery, but it turned out not to be that bad. Hugs, bot, and cold water on her finger, and she was off playing again. A few days of neosporin on the finger and it's healing nicely.

So, all in all, not a bad birthday week. Hopefully we'll spend a good portion of year two with friends, but not getting injured.

finally settling in

Updates: Vivi got and recovered from an ear infection, we fired the nana (subpar cleaning wasn't a big deal, but her attitude was), we are planning for Vivi's birthday party, and I passed my driving exam and got a license (yeah!)

Positives: It felt good to have the guts to fire someone who wasn't doing a good job. I've had fun planning a menu for "Vivi's Valentine BBQ Birthday Bash," and making stuff ahead of time for practice. I'm also slowly and finally coming to terms with the fact that I don't understand most of what people say, most of the time. And things are still constantly catching me by surprise. Just as I think I have things figured out, I get thrown off again. For example, I went to a panaderia the other day. At almost all panaderias, the tongs are in the bread bins, and you're supposed to use them. At this store, there is a bucket of tongs by the door that you're supposed to get when you go in, use, and then put back when you leave. I didn't notice this until I left, and was utterly confused by the "use the tongs, the tongs aren't here" sign by the bread. Ah well, my hands weren't that dirty.

Negatives: baking products. I cannot find corn starch or baking soda (though I can find baking powder, which contains baking soda). But what do I do if I have a recipe that calls for both??? Also still lamenting the lack of cheddar cheese and, as always, diet dr. pepper.

Also, the "North American Moms Living In Santiago" playgroup that I tried to go to isn't happening in February. Bah. I went all the way downtown for nothing.

I'll have to go look for friends elsewhere, I suppose.

Yo no understando

I'm breaking my new format already, because I have some things to say that can't possibly be summarized in "updates, positives, and complaints."

One of the things that has made it easier for me to live here is being okay with my own stupidity. The first couple of months, I struggled a great deal to understand everything that everyone said to me, every word, and I was constantly worried that someone would say something really important that I wouldn't "get." I'm not sure if it's because I understand more now, or because I just don't care as much, but it's become easier to roll through daily life understanding what seems like very little.

I estimated yesterday that I understand an average of about 2 words in every sentence that is spoken to me (in Spanish). And, of course, I latch onto the words and try to make sense of the rest of what was said. Phrases like "el fundo," which means "at the end," are used all the time, even if something isn't "at the end," but if someone says "blah blah blah el fundo blah blah blah mundo," I think, "wait, it's the end of the world????!!!"

There are lots of words in Spanish that sound alike but have different accents. I think this is a key component of why it's challenging for an American to understand, because we say words however we want. But the whole "you say tomato, I say tomato" doesn't apply in Spanish. If you say "to-mah-to" it's a totally different thing than "to-may-to," for example. My Spanish teacher here pointed out that English words have accents. "Yeah, but we ignore them," I told her. We just say things however, and people figure it out.

I also get thrown by silent vowels, which English also has its share of. One day, for my Spanish lesson, we went for a walk, and she kept saying what I thought was something about ice cream (helado). But I eventually figured out, when I asked when we were stopping for ice cream, is that she was saying "al lado," (beside). Since the "h" in "helado" is silent, how am I suppose to hear the difference?

Sometimes I do worry about my lack of understanding posing problems. Like, what if someone was yelling that a truck was coming up beside me, but I thought they were telling me about an ice cream truck? (Al lado vs. helado). I might die while wondering whether I should get the waffle cone.

But, most of the time being okay with stupidity is okay. It was just really too stressful to worry all the time that someone would say something important. I cried a lot the first month for this reason. Now I'm like, "Oh well, they probably didn't tell me I won the lottery." And sometimes it works in my favor. Even if I did speak/understand Spanish fluently, I don't look like a Spanish-speaker. Which allows me to wander into private country clubs, or go the wrong way in parking garages, or shake my head when asked for money from a beggar. Always the same answer: "No entiendo."

It's the little things

Updates:
Vivi has learned how to take off her diaper (god help us) and open doors. This means a hightened level of security (possibly orange!) to prevent her from giving herself swirlies in the toilet or inspecting the bathroom trash.

She has decided that she needs to be held for the entire duration of all naps, and possible for all nighttime sleeping as well. I like to cuddle her, but this is where I draw the line. She is cuddled, then put in her crib, where she screams and whines (sometimes for a while) and eventually goes to sleep. If she is really tired, this is not necessary (which is why I make her do laps before bed).

I have become one of those cruel cry-it-out moms, but if she thinks I'm going to hold her all night, she's wrong. Mom needs her sleep. And I know, because I've read 18,000 books about parenting, that this is a result of separation anxiety and it will eventually pass.

Positives:
We figured out how to return recyclable bottles here. There are two different types of bottles you can buy, retornable (I swear that's Spanglish) or non-retornable. If you buy the retornable ones, you take them back to the store, stuff them in a machine, push a button, and it spits out a ticket. You take the ticket to the cashiers when you check out with all your groceries, and you pay less for the new bottles. Ideally, you buy the same number of bottles as you just turned in, but the grocery checkers here are generally assholes, so I think it may be fun to take in 4 but only buy 3 and watch their Chilean hampsters fall off the wheels. But then, it will also result in them saying "blah blah blah blah blah blah el fundo" to me. So maybe it's not worth it. (El fundo means "the end," and it is the answer EVERY SINGLE TIME you ask where something is in a store. We think people may actually be signaling that it's the end of what they're saying. Like when you say, "the end" at the end of a children's story.

Complaints:
We have to add "roast beef" to the list of foods we will have to live without for a while. So even though we can find good bread, and horseradish sauce, a roast beef sandwich is not to be had.

I am really sick of studying for my stupid driving test. There are 280 questions, many of which are just wrong: they say "mark one answer," then have all four options marked as correct, or they don't make sense: "What do you have to do when going in cars row?" or they have nothing to do with driving (for example, number 52 "Which of the following statements is true in relation to the development of a person's morality?" (I want a driver's license, not a degree in psychology!) And, if anyone in this entire country follows the guidelines of this exam, then I am qualified to be a Spanish/English interpreter for the UN.

new, improved format (for me, anyway)

I haven't blogged in quite a while, and I realized that's because I set the bar pretty high with my early posts-pictures, detailed descriptions of outings, etc. I now understand that I need to k.i.s.e. (keep it simple estupido). From now on (or until I decided to become even lazier), my blogs will contain phrases (or maybe even sentences, if I'm feeling spry that day) as updates, and, so it's not endless ranting about this god-foresaken place with no chocolate chips, I will include a couple of complaints AND a couple of positives (well, at least one).


So here goes-here is my lame attempt at catching up about what's going on here:
Updates:

Vivi has eleven teeth, including 3 molars. She also has separation anxiety, which means she wakes up SCREAMING at night. My cold, dark heart gives her a pat, then goes back to bed. She goes back to sleep in about 15 minutes

Stuartt passed and I failed the driving test, which means I have to retake it next week. I was given a bank of 275 "English" questions to study. Some of them are psychology about how young people feel about themselves. It's no wonder Chileans drive like shit.

I quit my Spanish lessons, because I dreaded them every single time and they weren't really helping. I'm learning a lot more by talking to the nana and looking up words I don't know.

Complaints:
People who work as grocery checkers here are ASSHOLES. Seriously, when I say, in Spanish, that I understand when people speak slowly, then you don't speak slowly, it's not okay to make fun of me in Spanish to the person standing behind me in line. I know enough to understand that you're an ASSHOLE. This has happened to me more than once, in more than one place. So it's not just me.

Dogs bark here ALL THE TIME. I am going to poison every last one of them, I swear. And their owners, for good measure.

Positives:
The bread is good.
Wine is cheap.
Our baby is cuter than all the Chilean babies.

That's all for now. As they say here, "tien buen," which probably means "have a nice day."