Yo no understando

I'm breaking my new format already, because I have some things to say that can't possibly be summarized in "updates, positives, and complaints."

One of the things that has made it easier for me to live here is being okay with my own stupidity. The first couple of months, I struggled a great deal to understand everything that everyone said to me, every word, and I was constantly worried that someone would say something really important that I wouldn't "get." I'm not sure if it's because I understand more now, or because I just don't care as much, but it's become easier to roll through daily life understanding what seems like very little.

I estimated yesterday that I understand an average of about 2 words in every sentence that is spoken to me (in Spanish). And, of course, I latch onto the words and try to make sense of the rest of what was said. Phrases like "el fundo," which means "at the end," are used all the time, even if something isn't "at the end," but if someone says "blah blah blah el fundo blah blah blah mundo," I think, "wait, it's the end of the world????!!!"

There are lots of words in Spanish that sound alike but have different accents. I think this is a key component of why it's challenging for an American to understand, because we say words however we want. But the whole "you say tomato, I say tomato" doesn't apply in Spanish. If you say "to-mah-to" it's a totally different thing than "to-may-to," for example. My Spanish teacher here pointed out that English words have accents. "Yeah, but we ignore them," I told her. We just say things however, and people figure it out.

I also get thrown by silent vowels, which English also has its share of. One day, for my Spanish lesson, we went for a walk, and she kept saying what I thought was something about ice cream (helado). But I eventually figured out, when I asked when we were stopping for ice cream, is that she was saying "al lado," (beside). Since the "h" in "helado" is silent, how am I suppose to hear the difference?

Sometimes I do worry about my lack of understanding posing problems. Like, what if someone was yelling that a truck was coming up beside me, but I thought they were telling me about an ice cream truck? (Al lado vs. helado). I might die while wondering whether I should get the waffle cone.

But, most of the time being okay with stupidity is okay. It was just really too stressful to worry all the time that someone would say something important. I cried a lot the first month for this reason. Now I'm like, "Oh well, they probably didn't tell me I won the lottery." And sometimes it works in my favor. Even if I did speak/understand Spanish fluently, I don't look like a Spanish-speaker. Which allows me to wander into private country clubs, or go the wrong way in parking garages, or shake my head when asked for money from a beggar. Always the same answer: "No entiendo."

It's the little things

Updates:
Vivi has learned how to take off her diaper (god help us) and open doors. This means a hightened level of security (possibly orange!) to prevent her from giving herself swirlies in the toilet or inspecting the bathroom trash.

She has decided that she needs to be held for the entire duration of all naps, and possible for all nighttime sleeping as well. I like to cuddle her, but this is where I draw the line. She is cuddled, then put in her crib, where she screams and whines (sometimes for a while) and eventually goes to sleep. If she is really tired, this is not necessary (which is why I make her do laps before bed).

I have become one of those cruel cry-it-out moms, but if she thinks I'm going to hold her all night, she's wrong. Mom needs her sleep. And I know, because I've read 18,000 books about parenting, that this is a result of separation anxiety and it will eventually pass.

Positives:
We figured out how to return recyclable bottles here. There are two different types of bottles you can buy, retornable (I swear that's Spanglish) or non-retornable. If you buy the retornable ones, you take them back to the store, stuff them in a machine, push a button, and it spits out a ticket. You take the ticket to the cashiers when you check out with all your groceries, and you pay less for the new bottles. Ideally, you buy the same number of bottles as you just turned in, but the grocery checkers here are generally assholes, so I think it may be fun to take in 4 but only buy 3 and watch their Chilean hampsters fall off the wheels. But then, it will also result in them saying "blah blah blah blah blah blah el fundo" to me. So maybe it's not worth it. (El fundo means "the end," and it is the answer EVERY SINGLE TIME you ask where something is in a store. We think people may actually be signaling that it's the end of what they're saying. Like when you say, "the end" at the end of a children's story.

Complaints:
We have to add "roast beef" to the list of foods we will have to live without for a while. So even though we can find good bread, and horseradish sauce, a roast beef sandwich is not to be had.

I am really sick of studying for my stupid driving test. There are 280 questions, many of which are just wrong: they say "mark one answer," then have all four options marked as correct, or they don't make sense: "What do you have to do when going in cars row?" or they have nothing to do with driving (for example, number 52 "Which of the following statements is true in relation to the development of a person's morality?" (I want a driver's license, not a degree in psychology!) And, if anyone in this entire country follows the guidelines of this exam, then I am qualified to be a Spanish/English interpreter for the UN.

new, improved format (for me, anyway)

I haven't blogged in quite a while, and I realized that's because I set the bar pretty high with my early posts-pictures, detailed descriptions of outings, etc. I now understand that I need to k.i.s.e. (keep it simple estupido). From now on (or until I decided to become even lazier), my blogs will contain phrases (or maybe even sentences, if I'm feeling spry that day) as updates, and, so it's not endless ranting about this god-foresaken place with no chocolate chips, I will include a couple of complaints AND a couple of positives (well, at least one).


So here goes-here is my lame attempt at catching up about what's going on here:
Updates:

Vivi has eleven teeth, including 3 molars. She also has separation anxiety, which means she wakes up SCREAMING at night. My cold, dark heart gives her a pat, then goes back to bed. She goes back to sleep in about 15 minutes

Stuartt passed and I failed the driving test, which means I have to retake it next week. I was given a bank of 275 "English" questions to study. Some of them are psychology about how young people feel about themselves. It's no wonder Chileans drive like shit.

I quit my Spanish lessons, because I dreaded them every single time and they weren't really helping. I'm learning a lot more by talking to the nana and looking up words I don't know.

Complaints:
People who work as grocery checkers here are ASSHOLES. Seriously, when I say, in Spanish, that I understand when people speak slowly, then you don't speak slowly, it's not okay to make fun of me in Spanish to the person standing behind me in line. I know enough to understand that you're an ASSHOLE. This has happened to me more than once, in more than one place. So it's not just me.

Dogs bark here ALL THE TIME. I am going to poison every last one of them, I swear. And their owners, for good measure.

Positives:
The bread is good.
Wine is cheap.
Our baby is cuter than all the Chilean babies.

That's all for now. As they say here, "tien buen," which probably means "have a nice day."